Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Osbournes Reloaded Airs - Civilization Ends


I thought the end of the Mayan calendar in 2012 would spell the end of the world. I was wrong, for the Osbournes are back. Civilization as we know it begins to crumble.

Because I forgot to change the channel last night after American Idol ended I was forced to watch Osbournes Reloaded. Technically no one strapped me down and held a gun to my head, but once I started I could literally not avert my attention from this nuclear meltdown of a program.

Up until now I considered Hole in the Wall to be the nadir of our society. Osbournes Reloaded makes Hole in the Wall look like a PBS special. Here are some highlights:
- Whole clan comes out cursing for unknown reasons at the audience
- Two blindfolded people make out for money. One blindfolded person is substituted with elderly woman. Making out continues.
- Guy comes out of audience only to have his girlfriend give him an ultimatum: Marry me tonight on this show or we break up. Exactly how me and Mrs. Channelup tied the knot
- Ozzy does a very disturbing reenactment of the movie Fame where it was CGI'ed with farting sound effects
- A little piece of me dies inside
- A bigger piece of me dies also
- Kelly deftly rhymes Nick with "Dick," (its poetry, you wouldn't get it)
- Jack mentions roofies
- Guy marries girl on camera looking like he would rather murder her than spend the rest of his life with her
- Show ends, antiChrist appears

All in all a rousing half hour of my life I will never get back. Its not like I expected much but this pandered so low, and was such an obvious cash grab that I think network television is going the way of the Roman Empire (and the Mayan one for that matter)

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