Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Real Housewives of New Jersey - Premiere


I have not watched any of the other Real Housewives but, as a Jersey resident, it seemed like this was a no-brainer. I went into this program with mixed feelings. On the one hand I prayed the Garden State wouldn't come off looking too bad. But then with my other hand I prayed even harder this would be the most ridiculous thing I had ever seen. God met me somewhere in the middle.

Going into this show assuming the worst made the Real Housewives of NJ almost bearable. Look, we are a culture of people bred on My Super Sweet Sixteen, The Real World, Hole in the Wall, Fear Factor, and the Osbournes to just name a few. It takes a great deal to be labeled "shocking." Nothing in this program is shocking. Luckily, for us it takes a whole lot less to be labeled "trashy." And guess what? Trashy is entertaining.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey is what happens when you take some egotistical, moderately intelligent, insanely superficial people with inferiority complexes and give them a shitload of money. You then take these people, convince them they live in the "real" world, turn the cameras on and let the material write itself.

Trying to sum up all the characters and their relationships to each other would be like navigating the Parkway during rush hour: infuriating, complicated and full of guidos. Suffice to say they all live in the same town (Franklin Lakes), are all basically related (save one or two)and divide their time between flaunting money and trying not to kill each other. All in all though, nothing of much consequence comes about. They want to go to parties, find love (with money attached), and be noticed. It isn't too much different than your standard high school drama except with more menopause and plastic surgery.

I don't know if i come back for more here. I can't buck the feeling that I have seen this all before. (Between television and 20 some odd years living in Jersey I probably have). But in age of shock-me, Jersey can't even do that as good as New York. We'll always be second class citizens (millionaires or not).

Some Quick Highlights:
- Teresa telling us, ""Im not fake and don't try to be someone I'm not," and then following it with, "I want breast implants."

- Danielle, after lying around by her pool, driving her SUV and walking around her mansion worrying she may not have, "financial freedom."

- The opening being an obvious, and non-apologetic rip-off of The Sopranos opening credits. It came up just short of waking us up in the morning and getting us a gun.

- Caroline's son declaring his goal of being the face of "strip clubs and carwashes."

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